VERSELŐ | Rupi Kaur: the sun and her flowers

Idén télen-kora tavasszal olvastam Rupi Kaur nagy népszerűségnek örvendő verseskötetét, a milk & honey-t. Már ekkor úgy éreztem, hogy Kaur a kedvenceim közé fog tartozni, de a legújabb kiadványa, mely mindössze pár hete jelent meg, teljesen meggyőzött arról, hogy Ő az új kedvenc költőnőm. Imádom a minimalista  stílust, szóhasználatot, amit képvisel, a teljesen letisztult metaforáit, s a rajzokat, amikkel díszítette a könyvét. 
  A the sun and her flowers hasonló témákat feszeget, mint az előző kötet, de mégis úgy érzem, hogy egy teljesen más hangulatú gyűjteményt tarthat a kezében az olvasó. Nagyrészt a gyász, a self-love és önelfogadás irányába ment el, de sok versben előfordul a migráció és feminizmus, mint téma. Engem éppen jókor talált meg, mivel egy olyan időszakon mentem át, amikor nem szerettem az életem, sem magamat. Teljesen elárasztottak a feladatok (nem mintha amúgy ez változott volna valamicskét eddig - főleg, hogy sajnos őszi szünetem sem lesz), és magamra, a lelkem ápolására nemigazán jutott időm. Nagyon sokat lendített rajtam, s bár sokszor kissé depressziósabbak a versek - a wilting és falling részben ez a legjellemzőbb -, de a többi fejezetből (rooting, rising, blooming) süt a remény.
  Imádtam majdnem minden verset, s számomra egy hatalmas lelki töltetet adott a the sund and her flowers. Alig várom, hogy Rupi egy újabb kötettel rukkoljon elő: én biztos vevője leszek. 

the road to changing the world 
is never-ending 
– pace yourself

you are a mirror 
if you continue to starve yourself of love 
you’ll only meet people who’ll starve you too 
if you soak yourself in love 
the universe will hand you those 
who’ll love you too 
– a simple math

the day you have everything 
i hope you remember 
when you had nothing

it was when i stopped searching for home within others 
and lifted the foundations of home within myself 
i found there were no roots more intimate 
than those between a mind and body 
that have decided to be whole

learning to not envy 
someone else’s blessings 
is what grace looks like

to hate 
is an easy lazy thing 
but to love 
takes strength 
everyone has 
but not all are 
willing to practice

there are far too many mouths here 
but not enough of them are worth 
what you’re offering 
give yourself to a few 
and to those few 
give heavily 
– invest in the right people

it has been one of the greatest and most difficult years of my life. i learned 
everything is temporary. moments. feelings. people. flowers. i learned love is 
about giving. everything. and letting it hurt. i learned vulnerability is always the 
right choice because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it so very difficult 
to remain soft. i learned all things come in twos. life and death. pain and joy. salt 
and sugar. me and you. it is the balance of the universe. it has been the year of 
hurting so bad but living so good. making friends out of strangers. making 
strangers out of friends. learning mint chocolate chip ice cream will fix just 
about everything. and for the pains it can’t there will always be my mother’s 
arms. we must learn to focus on warm energy. always. soak our limbs in it and 
become better lovers to the world. for if we can’t learn to be kind to each other 
how will we ever learn to be kind to the most desperate parts of ourselves.

i do not need the kind of love 
that is draining 
i want someone 
who energises me

the way you speak of yourself 
the way you degrade yourself 
into smallness 
is abuse

when death 
takes my hand 
i will hold you with the other 
and promise to find you 
in every lifetime 
– commitment

but without you here 
everything at its best 
is only mediocre

what is it with you and sunflowers he asks
i point to the field of yellow outside
sunflowers worship the sun i tell him
only when it arrives do they rise
when the sun leaves
they bow their heads in mourning
that is what the sun does to those flowers
it’s what you do to me
– the sun and her flowers
i am trying to not 
make you pay for their mistakes 
i am trying to teach myself 
you are not responsible 
for the wound 
how can i punish you 
for what you have not done 
you wear my emotions 
like a decorated army vest 
you are not cold or 
savage or hungry 
you are medicinal 
you are not them

i want to go back in time and sit beside her. document her in a home movie so 
my eyes can spend the rest of their lives witnessing a miracle. the one whose life 
i never think of before mine. i want to know what she laughed about with 
friends. in the village within houses of mud and brick. surrounded by acres of 
mustard plant and sugarcane. i want to sit with the teenage version of my mother. 
ask about her dreams. become her pleated braid. the black kohl caressing her 
eyelids. the flour neatly packed into her fingertips. a page in her schoolbooks. 
even to be a single thread of her cotton dress would be the greatest gift. 
– to witness a miracle

what if 
there isn’t enough time 
to give her what she deserves 
do you think 
if i begged the sky hard enough 
my mother’s soul would 
return to me as my daughter 
so i can give her 
the comfort she gave me 
my whole life

when it came to listening
my mother taught me silence
if you are drowning their voice with yours
how will you hear them she asked
when it came to speaking
she said do it with commitment
every word you say
is your own responsibility
when it came to being
she said be tender and tough at once
you need to be vulnerable to live fully
but rough enough to survive it all
when it came to choosing
she asked me to be thankful
for the choices i had that
she never had the privilege of making
– lessons from mumma
look at what they’ve done 
the earth cried to the moon 
they’ve turned me into one entire bruise 
– green and blue

the irony of loneliness
is we all feel it
at the same time
- together

wish pure love and soft peace 
upon the ones 
who’ve been unkind to you 
and keep moving forward 
– this will free you both

let it go
let it leave
let it happen
in this world
was promised or
belonged to you anyway
– all you own is yourself
you do not just wake up and become the butterfly 
– growth is a process

i hear a thousand kind words about me 
and it makes no difference 
yet i hear one insult 
and all confidence shatters 
– focusing on the negative

a lot of times 
we are angry at other people 
for not doing what 
we should have done for ourselves 
– responsibility

said the moon
and the new day came
the show must go on said the sun
life does not stop for anybody
it drags you by the legs
whether you want to move forward or not
that is the gift
life will force you to forget how you long for them
your skin will shed till there is not
a single part of you left they’ve touched
your eyes finally just your eyes
not the eyes which held them
you will make it to the end
of what is only the beginning
go on
open the door to the rest of it
– time
i wonder if i am 
beautiful enough for you 
or if i am beautiful at all 
i change what i am wearing 
five times before i see you 
wondering which pair of jeans will make 
my body more tempting to undress 
tell me 
is there anything i can do 
to make you think 
she is so striking 
she makes my body forget it has knees 
write it in a letter and address it 
to all the insecure parts of me 
your voice alone drives me to tears 
yours telling me i am beautiful 
yours telling me i am enough

love does not look like a person 
love is our actions 
love is giving all we can 
even if it’s just the bigger slice of cake 
love is understanding 
we have the power to hurt one another 
but we are going to do everything in our power 
to make sure we don’t 
love is figuring out all the kind sweetness we deserve 
and when someone shows up 
saying they will provide it as you do 
but their actions seem to break you 
rather than build you 
love is knowing whom to choose

i live for that first second in the morning 
when i am still half-conscious 
i hear the hummingbirds outside 
flirting with the flowers 
i hear the flowers giggling 
and the bees growing jealous 
when i turn over to wake you 
it starts all over again 
the panting 
the wailing 
the shock 
of realizing 
that you’ve left 
– the first mornings without you

i could be anything
in the world
but i wanted to be his
Rupi Kaur: the sun and her flowers
Kiadó: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2017.
Oldalszám: 256 oldal
Hol szerezheted be a könyvet? Bookdepository-ról.
Mit kell tudni Rupiról? Rupi Kaur is a writer and artist based in Toronto, Canada. With a focus in poetry, she released her first book of prose and poems in November 2014. Throughout her poetry, photography, illustrations, and creative direction she engages with themes of femininity, love, loss, trauma, and healing. When she is not writing or creating art, she is travelling internationally to perform her spoken word poetry, as well as hosting writing workshops. / Forrás: Goodreads.
TeenVogue interjú.

2 megjegyzés:

  1. Már jó ideje követem instagramon, és nagyon jó tudni, hogy más magyar olvasókhoz is eljutott a híre :)

    1. Nagyon-nagyon szeretem a verseit. :) Én is szeretném, ha minél több olvasóhoz eljutna itthon is.